Shot Glass Test Run

Shot glasses turned out pretty good. I actually haven't bought any of them until recently (I first put them on my CafePress site a couple of years ago). I wish they were glass and I could do a full-bleed image on them, but not bad. Check out my full selection of shot glass designs at CafePress!

Happy New Ear!

Happy New Ear! It's that time again when we reflect about past events and choose new ears…but why settle on the same boring set? Why not upgrade to snazzy vampire ears to impress your friends who watch those pretentious fantasy shows? You could even go with hippo ears if you want something happy and flappy! What's your new ear's resolution?

WARNING: Some ears may not be compatible with all humanoid nerve and brain patterns. Check with your local ear doctor.

UFO Thoughts 8: Specter Of An Inspector

Have you ever seen the specter of an inspector? The one I saw was named Thomas Ridgeborrow; he soaked his feet in acid because he was tired of being called a gumshoe.

Sunday called, margaritas are free!

Worm-like earpiece, don't ask why.

If you want to wax impervious, I say buy a new metrical.

It runs tomorrow, just hit me with a fruitcake!

Don't listen to them, all you need to fix your washing machine is a bicycle pump and an electric eel.

The impact of luggage–how I love the sound!

If you shout the word "gingerbread" during a full moon, the nearest pencil will spin around and warp to another dimension.

Comet Burger has awesome french fries, too bad they only exist in my mind.

…chocolate window pane. Hand me the screwdriver, please.

Whenever I see a briefcase I want to paint a smile on it.

I came here to throw it…over the fence, I think.

Fast Food Faceoff: Burritos

In this edition of Fast Food Faceoff we take a look at burritos…how do they stack up against the commercial? Like burgers, they often come stuffed in a soggy wrapper and are slimy, stale, and more shriveled than advertised. And as always, they look like they've been smashed by a sledgehammer.

The Goblin's Den YouTube Channel: The Sound Of French Fries

The Goblin's Den now has a YouTube channel! For the moment, this channel will be used mainly for haiku presentations. The first video, The Sound Of French Fries, is now up. A big thanks to my friend Nathan Bennett for compiling this and doing the voice work. Check it out!

You can see these haiku and more in my upcoming book, Haiku For Slugs, so stay tuned for further info.

Return Of The Poultrygeist

It was the night before Thanksgiving and the wife and I had just settled into bed. Shortly after dozing off, I heard a rustling in the kitchen. "Must be the cats," I thought to myself…but then the refrigerator started making some loud, bizarre noises. I quietly got up so as not to disturb anyone and tip-toed out into the kitchen. To my horror, I saw the turkey baster and a few other utensils flying through the air–dancing in a circle above the kitchen table. Against my better judgement, I opened the refrigerator door to cast eyes upon the source of the disturbance…

What I saw defied logic, but there it was: It was a horrid landscape–a boiling sea of cranberry sauce with the bones of a thousand turkeys bobbing in it. Potato salad chunks fell from the sky like hail, and then it emerged through the purple fog–the poultrygeist itself! The Thanksgiving turkey had become possessed and hurled itself at me, but I slammed the fridge door just in time. I woke up the wife and kids and we high-tailed it into the car. We drove to her mother's house where we spent the night, barely speaking a word to each other of the spectacle we had just witnessed. Our family ate Thanksgiving dinner at Golden Corral that year…needless to say, we never returned to that house.

Grocery Store Denizens: Aldi Baldie

Aldi Baldies are a dangerous species of alien pet that use Aldi grocery stores as their stomping ground at night. Their alien masters beam them down to wreak havoc and gobble up off-brand twinkies (they also love Mama Cozzi pizzas, the cheapest frozen pizzas in the universe). Aldi Baldies are very agile and powerful for their size–plus they spit acid and wail like a banshee. Don't be caught in an Aldi parking lot after dark!