Ham:cube - Nice To Meat You!

Introducing [ham:cube], brainchild of industrial music squatters Henwig Arton Mesmich and Finry Von Staunchcoat! Hailing from Hamburg, Germany, the duo is poised to tear up the scene with their debut albumen, Nice To Meat You! The record is a lush blend of post-punk ambient experimental and electric synthpop jazz dubstep! Frontman Henwig says "I've worked in the genre previously with my well-known band, Puppy Parvo Patrol, so with [ham:cube] we wanted to do something exactly the same but different. Our goal was to do a record that makes the listener want to dance and slit their wrists at the same time, all while thinking about spinning pig heads."

Keyboardist Finry is a veteran himself, his past involvements being with both Byproduct Brigade and Fuckleberry Thin. He had this to say about the promising new venture: "Grrraaaaahhhhhhh! I bit one of me fingers off while makin' this album! I had to get it sewn back on. It was tasty!" Well, you can't argue with greatness.

Carrothead Magazine calls Nice To Meat You "A delightfully decadent abortion." Second Sin says "...it's like Depeche Mode's Violator album but with lots of pig snorts and samples from The Matrix thrown in." And if that weren't enough, Floggers & Foggers Fetish Blog gives it a rating of 9/9 cat tails, calling it "...the second coming of Front 242's Headhunter. Das ist der Hammer!"

There you have it, folks. You can't get much higher praise than that! Hopefully there is much more to come from this electro dream team! Genial!

- Perga Blon Totenheim, editor for Vlerxxx! Magazine.

Full Track Listing:

01. Nice To Meat You (The Choppy-Chop Symphony)
02. Porkin' Mindy
03. Ham For Change (The Waffle House Blues)
04. The Little Hairs On It
05. Ingredients Of Spam
06. Sausage Neck
07. Have Turkey Baster, Will Travel
08. Phony Pepperoni
09. Dilly-Dallying During The Daily Deli Disaster
10. Half-Eaten Samich
11. A Bite Into Gristle (McDonald's Done Me Wrong)
12. Yes, M'ham!
13. Bone Shard In My Bologna
14. Piggy's Final Journey (From The Farm To My Septic Tank)

Nice To Meat You is available in digital format on 4/27/16...and compact disc for the old people that give a shit. © Necropolis Records 2016, all rights reserved and stuff. Yes, we do actually publish albums by artists other than Humpsgut and KFMDN.

Haiku For Slugs: Now Available In ImageWrap Hardcover

Haiku For Slugs is

now in hardcover format.

Check it out, people!

Haiku For Slugs is now available in imagewrap hardcover. Check it out at this link: http://www.blurb.com/b/7027527-haiku-for-slugs-image-wrap.

Mind's Eye Trick

Hey, look deep into the center of this pic for 30 seconds until your eyes cross! If you see a picture, YOU ARE A GENIUS! It really works! Type what you see in the comments!

Spooky Fingers

Spooky fingers, under my door.
Spooky fingers, feeling the floor.
Spooky fingers, at 3AM.
Spooky fingers, oh how I hate them!

They reach under my door
accompanied by a fog
and start feeling under there,
gray and webbed like a frog.

They poke around for a while,
and sometimes there's a growling.
Then at some point it looks under
with big eyes, black and scowling.

By 5AM they disappear
(it might be afraid of the sun).
I dusted once for fingerprints
but couldn't find even one.

Tomorrow will be different.
Oh, you can count on that!
I'll be waiting with a hammer
to smash those digits flat!

So I waited up that night...
and sure enough, they came back.
When those fingers started pattin',
I gave them a solid whack!

It let out a deafening roar
and my ears began to ring.
The fog got stronger, and after that
I don't remember a thing.

I woke up in the morning
tucked safely into my bed.
It's like nothing happened at all...
except for this scar on my head.

Fryday Haiku: The Transience Of Chicken Fries

Guess what's back again?
Burger King chicken fries, yay!
They'll be gone next week.

Black hamburger buns:
not burnt, dyed for Halloween.
Slightly disturbing.

Pumpkin Spice Waffle™
here for a limited time!
I don't give a shit.

Popeyes is greasy–
somehow even their biscuits
taste like lard sponges.

Attention foodies,
Burger King has hot dogs now!
Like anyone cares.

At Hardee's drive-thru:
had to wait thirty minutes
with two cars in line.

Waffle House breakfast:
something's floating in my Coke.
Cigarette ashes?

There once was a time
when Wendy's had chicken strips.
Only nuggets remain.

So you're telling me
there's no Ribwich anymore?
Curse you, McDonalds!

Burger King nuggets:
ten for a dollar fifty!
You can taste the cheap.

UFO Thoughts: Furniture Kid & The Endless Boogie

She can turn the groceries into a time bomb. For real?

The mall changes, and when it does...I feel like...another dimension.

For 10 weeks, the kid was a piece of furniture.

Do you ever use hand soap? Good luck!

If I have to hear that song "Programmed To Boogie" one more time, I swear I'm gonna shoot that damn robot.

Ah, to be a soda can filled with intrigue! Those were the days.

There was a bird trapped in the vending machine. I tried to let it out through the bottom door, but it turned into a snake. Later I realized it was really a bag of Fritos with a mole inside.

Houston, we have french fries.

New York has become smaller than me.

...smells like a dead sandwich.

25 years ago, I lost a purple sticky hand at the skating rink. You know, one of those toys you can win with tickets? Some days I look up at the sky and wonder what became of it.

Oh well, we could use the chicken pot pies anyway.

The paint cans were coming up the stairs. I was terrified because I knew there were bowling balls inside; I could tell they had human eyes in the finger sockets.

...green pyramid with an orb. Is that right?

Some kind of flightless bird, flightless bird, flightless bird...

The funniest thing I ever did was hang that painting.

It's hard to be a physical thermos!

Eggface. Isn't that a shame?

Zit Zen 2: Proactiv Shower

Morning ritual:
pop my zits in the mirror,
dab with alcohol.

Humongous back zit.
Found its center and pinched hard!
My shirt is wet now.

Thin strips of yellow
worm their way out of my pores
when I squeeze my chin.

The older the zit,
the more yellow the contents.
If it's gold, it's old.

Don't pop zits in space
because in zero gravity
it floats all around.

Nope, those aren't freckles–
it's a legion of blackheads.
Not so cute now, huh?

You are what you eat.
So if you love pizza, your
face turns into one.

Zitty teenager:
just one forehead wipe would be
enough to cook with.

Got acne problems?
Take a Proactiv shower.
It has granules! Yay!

To hide the grossness,
girls with acne use makeup...
but lumps still show through.

Inner ear pimple:
hard to reach and hurts like hell!
Need a barbed Q-Tip.

For backne outbreaks,
try using a back scratcher.
Wash it afterwards.

Whitehead on my nose!
It must've formed overnight.
A firm pinch will do.