New! Stickers & Magnets - April 2013

Added some new bumper stickers to my CafePress shop. All sticker designs are now available as car magnets as well for $5.99 each. Check 'em out at www.cafepress.com/goblinsden.

UFO Thoughts 2

Rackets. Tennis rackets! Nevermind...

My axe fell off the ladder and injured a goose. Yeah, so what else is new?

You cannot fully understand the implications of boat. First and foremost, you have to learn archery, pillow stuffing, and bacon communication.

I was sucked into another dimension and questioned heavily by salamanders about what type of shoes I prefer. I told them Keds, which was a lie...but I still got a piece of cake.

...the rest of the tree. And that was the last time I saw Candice.

Whenever you have 17 dollars in your wallet, you may notice the sky turning yellow. Turtles are unaffected.

Grootis Serwull now has 50% more grab hands. I must confess, it was I who broke your coffee mug...but I'll buy you a new one, my love.

Never trust a spade-head. They'll warp you away inside of their silver chestnut...or something like that.

Don't worry, Wisconsin has plenty of tigers. You just have to look for the big pumice.

New Shot Glasses - June 2012

Several more shot glasses are now available at my CafePress store. Most of these are experimental designs with illustrations and strange fonts. Check 'em out at www.cafepress.com/goblinsden. 

New Bumper Stickers - May 2012

I added some new stickers to my CafePress shop. You can check them out in the usual place: www.cafepress.com/goblinsden. I'll be putting up some new shot glass designs soon also, so be sure to check back.

Haiku For Slugs

  

My next project will be Haiku For Slugs, a book of humorous short phrases poking fun at traditional Japanese zen poetry. While there are many schools of thought on exactly what form "true haiku" should take, I'm going to stick to the 5-7-5 format for this one. Only the first section will focus on slugs–the rest will be on various other subjects such as Bigfoot and UFOs. Stay tuned for further info.

UFO Thoughts

Have you ever forgotten your own language? I did once while watching the news and everything sounded ridiculous.

The next time you're holding a pencil, take a long look at the eraser. Do you think a whole alternate universe could reside in there, being rubbed away every time you make a mistake on paper?

I lost my socks. Remember, the scones will be ready at 7:00 AM sharp.

Whenever you want your house to smell like Sears, just turn on the vacuum cleaner.

Fun Fact: Invisible koala bears usually breathe fire.

Aliens kept peering in my windows last night. They had bean-shaped heads and looked like they were talking...but no words ever came out.

Wig salesmen congregate around large aqueducts. It's best to take them out with a sniper rifle before they morph into dragons.

Don't stare at invertebrates. Also, they prefer to be called "backbone impaired".

Fat Pie / Ill Will Press

Just figured I'd take some time to promote one of my favorite comedy websites: Fat-Pie.com. There you can find lots of different hilarious videos by David Firth, most famous for his Salad Fingers, Burnt Face Man, Spoilsbury Toast Boy, and Drillbit Head series. I've found his stuff to be quite funny in a random and insane sort of way. Even though many of these shorts feature simplistic animation, the content can be rather explicit and dark...so you've been warned.

Also, check out Ill Will Press.com for more hilarious videos by Jonathan Ian Mathers. You may have seen his work featuring Foamy The Squirrel before (officially called "Neurotically Yours"), so here's his official website. He also does still comics and a couple of other funny projects. Check 'em out.