Vampire Tones

A vampire in different color tones, because whatever.

Toester

Everyone's so concerned about if their refrigerator is running or not, but they shouldn't forget to check on their toester. Hint: That's when your toaster sprouts feet and runs away.

Power Line Ground Hook = Cheetos Paws

There's this power line ground hook in my yard, but it reminds me of Cheetos Paws whenever I see it.

Bojangles Fry Spice

I think "The Spice" from Dune is what Bojangles puts on their french fries. That stuff is stellar.

The Sound Of French Fries: Christmas Edition 5

Ah, the holidays.

You know what that means, folks...

more fast food haiku!

Black Friday Haiku 4

Black Friday haiku:

ready to shop yourself nuts?

Let the deals begin!

Of Turkey & Farts: A Thanksgiving Poem

 

Of Turkey & Farts

After Thanksgiving dinner,

folks are as stuffed as can be.

And then they go out shopping,

 a time bomb if you ask me.

Because when they start to move,

it stirs up what’s in their guts.

Then soon, you know what happens...

they pass gas out of their butts.

You’d think they’d have the manners

to hold it in for a while.

But no, they just let it rip

and reek up an entire aisle.

Then they quickly waddle off,

hoping others take the blame.

Ugh, the stench of rotten eggs...

the odor’s always the same!

If you must fart in public,

please clench your sphincter and think.

Be polite and go outside

to release your sulfur stink.