Saturday, May 19, 2018

Friday, May 18, 2018

MLFG Preview: Where Have All The Monsters Gone?


One more preview from my upcoming book, More Lullabies For Goblins...

Where Have All The Monsters Gone?

Where have all the monsters gone
that lived in days gone by?
We're told they went extinct,
but nobody knows why.

Is an asteroid from space
the cause of their tragic fate?
Or was it climate change?
It's still open for debate.

The animals of today
are comparatively dull.
I want to see something huge
with horns coming out of its skull!

Oh, where have all the monsters gone...
the ones with the gaping jaws
and the dangling necks
that defy nature's laws?

Do not lament their passing,
for some have eluded death.
In the cloudiest lakes and jungles
their ancestors draw breath.

So have your camera ready,
and never let down your guard.
For someday you might find
a monster in your backyard!

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Rhymania: What Is A Chair?


What Is A Chair?

What is a chair?
A place to sit, a place to eat?
A place to rest your weary feet?

Nailed together wood
with leather stapled to it good.
Made from the finest hide
 with feathers shoved inside!

What is a chair?
A place to ponder, a place to weep?
A place for lazy cats to sleep?

A cushion for the pushin'–
it's where your butt calls home.
A piece of recycled plastic
stuffed with a slab of foam.

What is a chair?
A place to spin, a place to swivel?
A place to plan and snivel?

Ever thought it cruel
to sit on a leather stool
knowing that something died
so you could sit with pride?

What is a chair?
A place to lean, a place to lie?
A place to shrivel up and die?

All these things and more–
that's what a chair is for.
At least that's what they say...
but who cares, anyway?

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Top Of The Mourning To Ya


Q: What do leprechauns say to each other when a loved one dies?

A: Top Of The Mourning To Ya!

A Leprechaun Eulogy

Here lies Sheamus O'Leary.
He liked to count his gold
'til one day someone found him
lifeless, stiff, and cold.

He drank himself to death,
as the Irish tend to do.
It seems his liver exploded;
after that, he was through.

All the luck in the world
couldn't save him from the drink.
I wrote this eulogy quick
because he's startin' to stink.

So we stuffed him in this box
and bid our last farewell.
He's pushin' up clovers now
and downin' pints in hell.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Nacho Fries!


News flash for foodies:
Taco Bell has french fries now!
The cheese sauce is gross.

Q: What do you call lightly spiced fries that aren't yours that come with a fake cheese sauce and were trucked in instead of cut fresh?

A: Nacho Fries.