Saturday, March 17, 2018

Top Of The Mourning To Ya


Q: What do leprechauns say to each other when a loved one dies?

A: Top Of The Mourning To Ya!

A Leprechaun Eulogy

Here lies Sheamus O'Leary.
He liked to count his gold
'til one day someone found him
lifeless, stiff, and cold.

He drank himself to death,
as the Irish tend to do.
It seems his liver exploded;
after that, he was through.

All the luck in the world
couldn't save him from the drink.
I wrote this eulogy quick
because he's startin' to stink.

So we stuffed him in this box
and bid our last farewell.
He's pushin' up clovers now
and downin' pints in hell.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Nacho Fries!


News flash for foodies:
Taco Bell has french fries now!
The cheese sauce is gross.

Q: What do you call lightly spiced fries that aren't yours that come with a fake cheese sauce and were trucked in instead of cut fresh?

A: Nacho Fries.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Tide Pod Fever


Kids these days be eatin' up dem Tide Pods like crazy, yo!
Hey, here's a challenge for you...STOP EATING TIDE PODS!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Riddle Of The Sphinx


I mingle with the ancient,
a traveler through time.
Behold, I am The Sphinx
master of riddle and rhyme!

Solve for me this query
to prove you're not a rookie.
You'll earn a place in the stars...
and maybe get a cookie.

This one is quite simple –
I'll make it easy for you.
The tapestry above
should yield a clue or two.

You live in me and give in me.
I'm not what came before or what's in store,
but some would do better to focus on me more.

What am I?

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Kmart Haiku


Kmart is dying.
Here's some haiku about it.
Blue light: extinguished.

A few haiku about the rise and fall of Kmart. We made fun of you back in the day, but now we're sad to see you go. Thanks for all the cheap crap.

Friday, February 16, 2018