Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Naked Egg Taco = Barf


Naked Egg Taco?
You gross me out, Taco Bell.
Grease wrapped in grease. Yuck.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Hooray For The Grey!


Here's a preview from my upcoming book, Lullabies For Goblins Vol. 2...

Hooray For The Grey!

I've seen what people do–
they hook my friends with bait
and drag them to the surface
off to a cruel fate!

Stuffed in metal cans
they leave these sandy shores
to be wrapped in plastic
and sold in human stores.

But I'm safe from human hands–
quite sure of it, I am!
You won't find a piece of me
inside a can of Splam!

Oh, you're wondering why?
Alright, I suppose I'll say.
It's because their meat is white
and mine is stringy and grey.

Hooray for the grey!
They can't eat me!
While everyone fries in lard,
I'll be laughing in the sea!

Hooray for the grey!
'Cause my meat is as dark as the night!
One taste and you'll spit me out–
I dare you to take a bite!

Although it's still possible
I'll hit a propeller one day,
I'm safe from the nets at least...
so hooray for the grey, I say!

Hooray! Hooray!

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Donut Haiku 2


Hey, it's been a while.
Time for a new video:
Donut Haiku 2!

Check out Donut Haiku 2 and more of my videos on YouTube.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Rebelling Of The Spelling


Rebelling Of The Spelling

When I was in elementary school, I used to misspell words on purpose for fun. I called this "game" Rebelling Of The Spelling. First you write down a word spelled the correct way; then you attempt to misspell it in as many ways as possible (while still trying to make it sound correct). Here it is with the word "moon"...

Moon
  • Mewn
  • Mhoon
  • Muun
  • Mune
  • Muen
  • Moohn
  • Muen
  • Muune
  • Mounn
  • Mfoon (f is silent, can't you tell?)
  • Mphewn (ph is silent, deal with it)

HINT: Might want to turn off your auto-correct if you type these. Feel free to use silent letters to really confuse people.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

The Cutting Board: Bread Puns


The Cutting Board: A chatroom for insufferable bread-heads. WARNING: Pastry puns ahead.