Thursday, January 18, 2024

Screamboat Willie


Screamboat Willie

There's a mouse in your house
with a big butcher knife.
He's gonna hunt you down
and end your frickin' life.

His copyright expired,
so now he's going nuts–
breaking into people's homes
and carving out their guts.

He's dressed in black and white,
but his favorite color's red.
He'll paint the walls with your blood–
oh yes, you'll soon be dead!

He'll whistle a happy tune
as you scream out in pain,
and it's all 'cause Steamboat Willie
is now public domain.

Saturday, December 30, 2023

You've Heard Of The Elf On The Shelf


You've Heard Of The Elf On The Shelf, Now Get Ready For...

01. The Carp On The Tarp
02. The Big Mac On The Tarmac
03. The Toad On The Road
04. The Cod On The Sod

Monday, December 25, 2023

Happy Hallowthanksmas


Happy Hallowthanksmas

The holidays are here,
like several in a row.
All within a couple months...
it's kind of crazy, you know?

Halloween, Thanksgiving,
and then Christmas at last.
Perhaps they should combine
since they go by so fast.

Just go to any store
in September and you'll see
witches, turkeys, and Santas
simultaneously.

So I've devised a greeting
to fuse these holidays three.
I find it rather fitting,
and I hope that you'll agree.

"Happy Hallowthanksmas!"
it's pleasing to the ear.
The only greeting you'll need
until the end of the year.

"Happy Hallowthanksmas!"
that's all you need to say.
Then tip your hat politely,
and be on your merry way.

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries: A Fast Food Review Poem


Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries

Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries,
they'll give your tongue a fright!
They're new at Burger King,
I should try 'em tonight!

An eight piece for five bucks?
A rip-off, I decry...
though I guess I'll pay it
just to give 'em a try.

On taking my first bite,
I'm afraid that I must say
they are a little hot...
but ghost pepper? No way.

I guess I wanted more,
given the commotion...
but what should one expect
from a fast food promotion?

Since kids might eat 'em too,
I knew they would be mild.
Meh, six out of ten.
They're good, but nothing wild.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Abscond From This Pond


When you're at White Water and there's so many people that the lazy river turns yellow.

Saturday, September 16, 2023

The Incredible Shrinking Long John Silver's Hush Puppies


The Incredible Shrinking Long John Silver's Hush Puppies

Over time, it seems that Long John Silver's hush puppies have been slowly shrinking and becoming more greasy. Conspiracy? Perhaps.