Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Chicken Of The Underworld

Everybody's had Chicken Of The Sea tuna, but have you tried Hellkist™ brand Chicken Of The Underworld? It's the only supernatural supper that contains genuine Cthuling* meat! Served in a broth of daemon bile, it's rich in Alpha & Omega 3s and an excellent source of vitamin E-vil! You won't find it in grocery stores, but don't can conjure up a batch from the abyss with the provided incantation below. Best of all, it's free*! Summon deliciousness tonight!

Chicken Of The Underworld Incantation

Oh, great one of the deep,
we pray to you this night
for an otherworldly treat
to quell our appetite.

Form us out of the void
a canned, unholy feast–
packed with preservatives
unfit for man or beast.

Give to us your essence,
a delicacy most vile:
the flesh of Cthulhu himself
steeped in daemon bile.

Tonight we summon flavor
unlike any before!
Chicken Of The Underworld,
appear now, we implore!

*Cthulings are tentacles of Cthulhu that were severed by demigod warriors. Once detached, Cthulhu's tentacles form smaller clones of him, dubbed Cthulings. They are sometimes caught for their meat, which is considered a delicacy.

*Free indicates lack of monetary exchange. A portion of your soul may be needed to conjure Chicken Of The Underworld. Hellkist™is not responsible for any hauntings, possessions, or lost spiritual property that may occur while summoning Chicken Of The Underworld.

Full list of ingredients: Cthuling meat, daemon bile, hydrogenated dragon scales, lost souls, high fructose orc syrup, concentrated evil, minotaur gonads (to preserve freshness), medusa hair, oni horns, basilisk urine. May contain beholder eyes. Note: Manufactured in a facility that processes tree nuts.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Grill or Grill Not!

May the forks be with you! And straws.

Yoda, Star Wars, and Waffle House are copyrighted material of their respective owners, blah blah blah.