You've Heard Of The Elf On The Shelf

You've Heard Of The Elf On The Shelf, Now Get Ready For...

01. The Carp On The Tarp

02. The Big Mac On The Tarmac

03. The Toad On The Road

04. The Cod On The Sod

Happy Hallowthanksmas

Happy Hallowthanksmas

The holidays are here,

like several in a row.

All within a couple months...

it's kind of crazy, you know?

Halloween, Thanksgiving,

and then Christmas at last.

Perhaps they should combine

since they go by so fast.

Just go to any store

in September and you'll see

witches, turkeys, and Santas

simultaneously.

So I've devised a greeting

to fuse these holidays three.

I find it rather fitting,

and I hope that you'll agree.

"Happy Hallowthanksmas!"

it's pleasing to the ear.

The only greeting you'll need

until the end of the year.

"Happy Hallowthanksmas!"

that's all you need to say.

Then tip your hat politely,

and be on your merry way.

Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries: A Fast Food Review Poem

Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries

Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries,

they'll give your tongue a fright!

They're new at Burger King,

I should try 'em tonight!

An eight piece for five bucks?

A rip-off, I decry...

though I guess I'll pay it

just to give 'em a try.

On taking my first bite,

I'm afraid that I must say

they are a little hot...

but ghost pepper? No way.

I guess I wanted more,

given the commotion...

but what should one expect

from a fast food promotion?

Since kids might eat 'em too,

I knew they would be mild.

Meh, six out of ten.

They're good, but nothing wild.

Abscond From This Pond

When you're at White Water and there's so many people that the lazy river turns yellow.

The Incredible Shrinking Long John Silver's Hush Puppies

The Incredible Shrinking Long John Silver's Hush Puppies

Over time, it seems that Long John Silver's hush puppies have been slowly shrinking and becoming more greasy. Conspiracy? Perhaps.

Boba Fett Puns

Boba Fett Puns

1. Booba Fett: A female Boba Fett. Cosplayers have done this a million times.

2. Bulba Fett: Ever wanted a Boba Fett light bulb? Here it is.

3. Bowlba Fett: A cereal bowl shaped like Boba Fett's helmet.

4. Boba Fester: Uncle Fester from The Addams Family cosplaying as Boba Fett.

5. Froba Fett: Boba Fett with an afro. Considerably more hair than he has now.

6. Boa Fett: A boa constrictor cosplaying as Boba Fett.

Steamed Hams Except It's An Ancient Cave Painting

Steamed Hams Except It's An Ancient Cave Painting

Found at an undisclosed location in South America, this restored ancient cave painting seems to depict the legendary Simpsons "Steamed Hams" gag with Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers. This piece, along with other finds on display at the "Esteemed Hams" exhibit in Munich, lend credence to the theory that The Simpsons is far more than just an animated TV show. Further studies are ongoing.

You Are A Diabolical Couch!

A thought occurred to me one night...you are a diabolical couch!

"Ouch! I can vouch the bite of that couch is no slouch!" ~ Anonymous customer at Sofa King

Spring Into Weirdness: Jackaloupe

Spring Into Weirdness: Jackaloupe

You found a mysterious capsule in the forest. You open it to find a curious creature...it's a Jackaloupe! Not the fabled Jackalope of North American folklore - no, this is an amalgam of a jack rabbit and a cantaloupe. You wonder what to do with such an abomination. Should you eat it, turn it over to the authorities, or keep it as a pet?

Daily Grinder: Jackaloupe / The Couch With Teeth

Here's some news for you, hot off the press.