Monday, August 31, 2015

What Lurks In The Loch: Nessie Haiku

In the murky depths
of Loch Ness, a monster lurks–
they call it Nessie.

The explanations
vary from floating tree stumps
to overturned boats.

That long, snake-like neck…
do you think Nessie could be
a plesiosaur?

The "Surgeon's Photo"
has defined Nessie's image.
Too bad it's a hoax.

A bizarre bubbling
and splashing in the shadow
of Urquhart Castle.

Two of them surface...
now three, and now four of them:
gray humps in the loch.

"Loch Ness Monster found!"
claims grocery store tabloid.
Also, "Bat Boy lives!"

Rogue waves in the loch
under the right conditions
can make spooky shapes.

She might not exist,
but Nessie sure makes for good
tourist revenue.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Zombie Zen: Haiku Of The Dead

Everyone is dead,
but now they're moving somehow
and screaming for brains.

Damn, it's happening…
the zombie apocalypse!
Break out that shotgun!

There's only one way
to kill the undead for good:
shoot them in the head!

Boarded up windows
of my living room have some
gross hands prying in.

Most zombies are slow,
but some of them are runners–
don't let your guard down.

If you get bitten
by a zombie, it's over…
have a friend shoot you.

Overgrown graveyard:
trying not to step where the
hands are bursting up.

Zombies smell awful.
Their odor carries for miles.
That's your first warning.

As he crawls along,
the cut-in-half zombie leaves
a trail of organs.

Explosives are fun,
but don't get carried away...
grenades make crawlers.

Bite marks on my arm.
Before the first light of dawn
I too, will crave brains.

Plants Vs. Zombies:
not plausible in real life.
It's a fun game, though.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Fryday Haiku 2

I love KFC,
but every time I go there
my order is wrong.

Bird beaks, feet, and eyes...
such are the ingredients
of chicken nuggets.

Service with a smile!
The dull stare from the waitress
tells me otherwise.

Constipation cure:
eat anything from Taco Bell
and wait five minutes.

Got a Happy Meal.
Guess what? They forgot the toy.
More like Frowny Meal.

Bacon wrapped pizza:
cholesterol overload!
Should be illegal.

Don't eat at Wendy's.
Their slogan is "That's Better!"
but they're just as bad.

Old chicken nugget:
dog found it under the fridge.
Ate it, barfed it up.