Friday, June 20, 2014

Fast Food Faceoff: Burgers

Fast food commercials always portray their burgers as being juicy, fresh, and served on a fancy plate. What you really get is a sad, flat piece of crap in wax paper. The lettuce is old and has rot spots on it, and I'm pretty sure the rest is made of soy. Let's compare the commercial to reality, shall we?

Friday, June 13, 2014

Uncle Spam Wants YOU!

Uncle Spam wants YOU to eat more meat! Lettuce join the war on salad and do our part to serve up justice--thinly sliced and crispy! The path ahead is not cut and dry, it's a mystery of sticky unknowns and possibly bone shards. Together we will can hunger and preserve our children's future in a clear slime!

It's official, the new colors of the American flag are Red, White, Blue, and Pink (with dark purple speckle spots here and there)!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

UFO Thoughts 4: The War On Salad

 "Dragon Dragon" is a new flavor of pudding that tastes like crocodile.

The war on salad never ends.

Exploding toasters have become a nuisance in Ireland. The first amendment says otherwise.

Bored yet? But we still have to find my rabbit, Pesco.

Limited monkey process the northern gate! Every October 17th, I like to use my neighbor's harmonica as a doorstop.

The eyeball has you. Don't forget to wipe your shoes!

Razors are sold in six packs because they're afraid someone might swallow them.

Ok, moving on to the next capri. Jerks.

Steadfast, men…this isn't going to be a normal breakfast!

Here we go again with the candlesticks. Is there any reprise?!

Monday, June 2, 2014

UFO Thoughts 3: Mars Or Somewhere

Codwell is the second most recipient of trousers.

Strange hut. Performing the internship ritual was nothing but a crammed, oblivious train worm.

Next rope to the hideous entropy. You bloated the plains grammar for the last time, buddy!

Mops are not my fault, seriously.

What's in that pouch? See you in the parking lot!

With her eyes fixed on the lantern, the almighty freeway is a conduit.

…sold muffins, but that isn't the whole story.

You suck, it's couch day. Can you stomach that?

Scream in a town, scream in a town--and then the wagon turned over.

Drinking fern juice is a surefire way to get a magenta headache.