Friday, August 22, 2014

Grocery Store Denizens: Kroger Ogre

Beware the Kroger Ogre! These massive monstrosities are the perfect stock employees for Kroger. They can lift heavy loads and reach high shelves with ease, although they do tend to crush some items accidentally (which accounts for those caved-in cereal boxes you see). Just don't ask them where the frozen pretzels are--they don't know.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Fast Food Faceoff: French Fries

French fries in fast food commercials are always shown standing erect and cooked to golden perfection. The reality is that you'll probably order a large and get screwed over by it being half full…and they'll be soggy and undercooked. Worst of all, sometimes you'll get a fry that tastes like rat shit (barf!).

Sunday, August 10, 2014

UFO Thoughts 5: Atomic Beagle Hat

You should be proud of your jeans, they bring you eternity!

Atomic Beagle Hat. I am original pliers, so let the cargo free.

…goggles on a roller coaster seat.

Ketchup is a responsibility--the most basic of needs.

How do you like your vision of cashmere?

Inquisitive primate, quit beating your own head. It's not my fault you have a parasite!

I'm at odds with a lot of things that a frog might do.

Madison just got a $12,000 nose job; I'll meet you at crazy in a few years.

…rock oven. Next time, eviscerate the latent camera. 

Mad ultrasonic, but the eggs were crispy.

Don't fillet the gorgon, you might end up with a kid's firetruck.

A pocket full of cloves makes the brain go numb.