Monday, May 29, 2017

The Aliens Are Coming 3 (Alien Haiku)

More alien poems...
UF'Oh no you didn't!
Deal with it, humans.

This is the third video in my "The Aliens Are Coming" series, featuring narrated haiku poems about those little grey weirdos from space. This entry is narrated by agent "Albatross", a former CIA operative; his voice has been distorted to conceal his identity.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Cinco De Mayo: Where Mayonnaise Comes From

It's Cinco De Mayo, so here's a preview poem from my next book, More Lullabies For Goblins.

Where Mayonnaise Comes From

Where does mayonnaise come from?
I know where it does...
it comes from a creature called a Dromit:
it has white skin and purple fuzz.

It lives on the planet Mars–
they have farms of them all around
where they're kept in secret bases
deep in the underground.

Mucus is squeezed from their noses
with specialized, pressurized hoses...
then it's packaged in various ways
and labeled as "Mayonnaise."

So next time you eat a burger,
remember to thank the Dromit.
Hold your nose while scarfing it down,
and try your best not to vomit!