Monday, June 27, 2016

What Lurks In The Loch (Loch Ness Haiku)

What lurks in the loch?
A prehistoric monster...
or just some driftwood?

This video features haiku about that ever-elusive lake beastie. As with my previous videos, most of the haiku here are featured in my book, Haiku For Slugs. However, a couple are new or altered.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Aliens Are Coming (Alien Haiku)

Haiku about those big-headed, probe-happy visitors. Check it out, Earthlings...if your puny brain can handle it.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Cereal Box Fun: Spot The Difference

Cereal Box Fun: Which one of these pics is different from the others? Guess right and win a *free Xrookle!

*Xrookle is free with the exception of shipping and handling, plus exotic organism transport tax in accordance to laws in place via the Arxillian Galactic Alliance.

Explanation for Earthlings: What is a Xrookle? A Xrookle is a carnivorous, bipedal organism that stands about 1-2 feet tall and preys on smaller animals. Its home planet is X-P236 in the Xuralis solar system; it is characterized by its striking blue skin, voracious appetite, and ability to reproduce rapidly.

In the early days of Duubourit colonization, the creature was adopted by settlers as a pet. They are easily domesticated (their temperament is similar to that of an Earth canine), but they reproduced more rapidly than expected...thus creating a plague of munching menaces that ate people out of house and home. As they are now prevalent across the galaxy, the Hertolon Nutrition Pellet Agency, which sells products akin to Earth cereals, has started to give Xrookles away as promotions (often printed on the back of their products' boxes).

As an added bonus, Xrookle feces is high in nitrates and possesses a dye that causes most flora to grow blue. Thus, they have become popular in landscaping endeavors for obtaining that bright cerulean lawn that home owners desire.

Other facts: Smaller sub-species of Xrookle are sometimes packaged as prizes in nutrition pellet boxes. Their young can be dried and revived like brine shrimp, growing at an alarming rate after liquid methane is added. Earth inhabitants have noted that Xrookles emit an undesirable "sewage" odor, perhaps making them less suitable as house pets for humans.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Friday, June 10, 2016

War Of The Giant Space Heads

Once upon a summer eve,
I saw faces in the sky.
They zoomed about at blinding speed,
and I've no idea why.

It looked like they were fighting;
I saw a few collide.
When the pieces started falling,
there was nowhere to hide.

Raining chunks of massive flesh
hit every building and street.
Cars were swerving everywhere
trying to avoid the meat.

The battle continued up above,
until finally it stopped.
The entire world was left in shock
when the last eyeball dropped.

As the clean-up effort began,
we pondered of the attack:
"What were those giant things,
and will they ever come back?"

Some people cooked the meat
and praised it for its taste.
"It's kind of fishy." they said.
Well, at least it didn't go to waste.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Zombie Zen (Zombie Haiku)

Who says zombies can't be zen? Chill out with these horrifying haiku...if you dare.