Welcome to the Goblin's Den blog. This site is an outlet for jokes, poems, and other weird stuff I come up with. I have 3 self-published books on Blurb.com: Lullabies For Goblins , Haiku For Slugs , and UFO Thoughts . Check side bar below for previews.
When I was in elementary school, I used to misspell words on purpose for fun. I called this "game" Rebelling Of The Spelling. First you write down a word spelled the correct way; then you attempt to misspell it in as many ways as possible (while still trying to make it sound correct). Here it is with the word "moon"...
Mfoon (f is silent, can't you tell?)
Mphewn (ph is silent, deal with it)
HINT: Might want to turn off your auto-correct if you type these. Feel free to use silent letters to really confuse people.
Show Of Hands is a handy, digit-al database commissioned by scholars across the galaxy in an exhaustive quest to catalogue every type of grasping appendage in the universe. Organisms need to manipulate their surroundings–especially if they are to create tools and master space travel, and it's a safe bet they'll need opposable thumbs to do it.
From frisky frog fingers to wily webbed whatsits, Show Of Hands will let you know exactly what type of freak was knocking on your window or pattin' around under your bedroom door at 3 AM.
This is the third video in my "The Aliens Are Coming" series, featuring narrated haiku poems about those little grey weirdos from space. This entry is narrated by agent "Albatross", a former CIA operative; his voice has been distorted to conceal his identity.
As "Prepear Yourself" month at the Pretentia art museum continues, we're proud to pearsent another sneak peek from the exhibit. Pearapsychology is a popular addition, focusing on the psychic abilities of the human mind as seen from a unique pearspective.
Pearafin is an interesting piece as well, featuring candles made out of a pear-based wax invented by the artist. And of course there's the crowd favorite, Pearasite, a genetically-engineered blood-sucking fruit terror from hell (let's just hope it doesn't escape).
Don't miss your chance to see the "Prepare Yourself" exhibit–it's the pearfect way to spend the weekend...but it's only on display until April 24th!
23 years ago today, Super Metroid debuted on the Sega Genesis. It redefined the action/platformer genre with it's intuitive map system, exploratory gameplay, and the best usage of blast processing yet seen on a home console. Due to an overabundance of awesomeness, it utilized a 40 Meg cartridge which inflated the retail price to around $100...but nobody cared because it was freakin' sick!
GamePro magazine gave Super Metroid a respectable score of 82/100, but criticized its murky color palette and sub-par soundtrack. "It's a shame Super Metroid couldn't have debuted on slightly more powerful hardware," says GamePro editor Dexter Nerdsfeld. "Maybe then the music wouldn't have sounded like bees fighting in a tin can."
Despite pitiful sales figures and mediocre reviews from some outlets, Super Metroid is still recognized as a landmark title in the gaming industry–and certainly a must-own on the Genesis console. Metroid remains one of Sega's best-selling franchises to this day.
Here we see a few highlights from the Prepear Yourself art exhibit. In addition to paintings and sculptures by the artist, a few other attractions are present...such as the Pearrot, a genetically-engineered creature made from the cells of a pear and a parrot. Genius!
The organism itself is a bit tempearamental, but is no doubt a breakthrough in genetic research. "How the artist FrOoT was able to produce a stable organism from fruit and bird cells is astounding," says geneticist Krueger Splicealot. "I observed the Pearrot myself, and can attest that it's a thriving, viable creature–it didn't explode or melt into an organic sludge one bit! Granted, it makes a mess defecating everywhere...and it ate my wife's finger when she tried to feed it, but that's art for you."
The Prepear Yourself exhibit is on display in Atlanta at the Pretentia museum until April 24.
A sensational new art exhibit is on display at the Pretentia art museum! Entitled Prepear Yourself, it features an array of paintings and sculptures created by internationally-renowned French artist, FrOoT. It's a spectacular display of high art inspired by dreams of a Pearallel universe.
Our own journalist, Natah Vejtible, sat down with FrOoT for an interview:
Natah: Thanks for being here today! I think the question on everyone's mind is, "Why pears?"
FrOoT: Of course. I had a dream one night about a pearallel universe where everything revolved around pears...so I got up and just started creating, you know?
Natah: What was the first work you created for this exhibit?
FrOoT: My first work was A Pair Of Pears, a male and female pear made out of pear resin. I think it speaks volumes about the human condition–about how we're really all like fruit. We desperately claw for a meaningful relationship before we shrivel up and turn brown in the sun. Yet some of us just fall to the ground alone and get eaten by birds.
Natah: Uh, ok...I guess that makes sense. "Prepear Yourself" has currently been on a world tour display in 24 cities now! Did you expect to receive such a positive response for this exhibit?
FrOoT: I didn't, actually...but I'm very pleased with how people pearceive it! ;)
Natah: Haha, I see what you did there. Do you have a favorite sculpture or painting?
FrOoT: I think Pear Of Pants speaks to me the most. It's a commentary on the social and political status of the world today. Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time; we're all squishy and vulnerable to the forces of nature.
Natah: I think I get it, yeah. Well, thank you for your time!
FrOoT: You're welcome, it's been a pearleasure.
"Prepear Yourself" will be on display at the Pretentia museum in Atlanta, GA until April 24. It features 42 different works of art, a mini roller coaster, and a surprise pearamilitary ambush at the end. It's an exhibit beyond compear!
*Here's just a few of the many works on display:
• A Pair Of Pears (pear resin sculpture)
• Pearadox (pear paste on canvas)
• Peariodontitis (crayon on construction paper)
• Pearachute (pear resin sculpture, suspended by wire)
• Pearanoid (pear paste on canvas)
• Sepearate (macaroni on sandstone)
• Pear Of Pants (gastric acid on graham cracker)
• The Pearrot (organism made from pear/parrot cells)
Another haiku video, this time about everyone's favorite corporate-created love holiday. Chintzy teddy bears, expensive chocolate strawberries, and chalky hearts–that's what it's all about. But don't let that stop you from gettin' it on.