Little Derpie's Discount Donuts

Hey, penny-pinchers! Stop blowing cash at that fancy-pants donuttery in the big city! Why pay $3 a donut when you can get a whole dozen for $1? That's right, Little Derpie™ brand discount donuts are disturbingly cheap and available at a dollar store near you!

So what if they're past expiration and have a few crushed lightbulbs mixed in? Little Derpie™ donuts are the greatest barely edible treats you'll ever consume! Saving money is the best flavor of all!

Little Derpie's donuts–

at your local dollar store!

They're made from mostly sawdust

and junk we scraped off the floor.

Our logo is a girl scout

so you'll blindly trust our word

when we say our food's the best

and doesn't taste like a turd.

You'll smile at the fact

that you saved a lot of cash,

while your stomach is bleeding

and you break out in a rash.

Our products are poorly wrapped,

stale and hard as a rock.

Some people say they'd rather

chew on a dirty sock.

But being thrifty is smart

as everybody knows!

So eat our crappy donuts,

or...just toss 'em to the crows.