Fast Food Christmas Lights

Here's some Christmas lights based on the 5 essential food groups: french fries, burgers, pizza, chicken nuggets, and onion rings.

Underneath Your Car Seat

Underneath Your Car Seat

Underneath your car seat,

old french fries lie in wait.

They fell between the cracks

to meet a cold, dark fate.

Underneath your car seat,

there's candy down there, too...

and change and ketchup packs.

All the things lost by you.

Underneath your car seat,

it's an abyssal plain

where nacho cheese drips down

and leaves a crusty stain.

Underneath your car seat,

there's gum and chicken nuggs...

and lots of taco crumbs

down there collecting bugs.

 

Underneath your car seat,

that's where all that stuff goes...

'til one day it clogs up

your vacuum cleaner hose.

The Phantom Burger King Receipt

The Phantom Burger King Receipt

Once upon a stormy night,

the world was struck with terror

when they received something odd...

an email sent in error.

It was a blank receipt

sent out by Burger King,

but it was very late and

no one had ordered a thing.

There was no total given,

nor a store location.

No time of order either...

not any information.

It left us all confused,

the 'net alive with chatter.

Had Burger King been hacked...

and us too, for that matter?

If Burger King knows something,

the truth has yet to be spilled.

Perhaps it was sent by the ghosts

of all the cows they've killed.

Silent Hill / Dead Malls

There was a Sears here. It's gone now.

Autumn Pun-kins

Autumn Pun-kins

Autumn pumpkins, their size just right...

how shall we carve them up tonight?

The knife goes in, let's dig out space

for us to make a wicked face.

Jack-O'-Lanterns are kind of lame,

let's make something that's not the same.

You know what I think would be fun?

If we make them based on a pun!

A Drac-O'-Lantern that has wings and fangs,

or a Yak-O'-Lantern with horns and bangs.

A Quack-O'-Lantern that looks like a duck,

or a Tack-O'-Lantern with pushpins stuck.

A Crack-O'-Lantern with dermatitis,

or Plaque-O'-Lantern with gingivitis.

But hey, that's just what I might do...

make your pun-kins unique to you!

The Missing Biscuit

The Missing Biscuit

Don't miss the entertainment event of the year, The Missing Biscuit. Told via interpretive dance, it's the harrowing tale of a Bojangles biscuit separated from its combo meal. Coming soon to a performing arts venue near you (or wherever else pretentious puppet fluff graces a wooden stage). Below is a poetry excerpt from the flyer.

Bojangles biscuits are the best,

so much better than all the rest...

so imagine how I did feel

when mine was missing from my meal.

With each combo you always get

a salty, fluffy biscuit yet

when I opened the box I spied

that my biscuit was not inside.

Oh biscuit, soft and buttery,

you make my taste buds squeal with glee.

To be deprived of you this time,

it ought to be a fast food crime!

I know I ordered kind of late,

but still, I have to say I hate

when they run out of biscuit dough.

There's really no excuse, you know?

Whatever the stupid reason,

having no biscuits is treason.

Bojangles, you're now dead to me...

next time I'll go to KFC!

Burger King's Royal Goof

Burger King's Royal Goof

One night not long ago, a strange email was sent to those who have the Burger King app. It appeared to be a receipt from Burger King, but it was void of any order information. There was no total given, no store location...nothing. Who or what sent this mysterious message? Was it hackers, just a random server goof, or something supernatural?

Rogu Vs. Grogu

Rogu Vs. Grogu

Combatants: Rogu from American Dad and Grogu from The Mandalorian, two pint-sized alien weirdos with mysterious powers and oddly similar names. Which one would win in a fight?

Abilities: Rogu can multiply when he eats candy, grow when he has "screen time", and reform into a flying, Cthulu-like creature when eaten. Grogu has the ability to move objects via telekinesis, and also seems to possess the Force persuasion powers of a Jedi.

Outcome: Rogu clearly has the physical advantage in this fight. However, Grogu wins due to his ability to put foes to sleep...and that happens to be Rogu's weakness. Rendering Rogu unconscious causes him to revert to his default form, thus making Grogu the likely victor.

McNuggets Are Forever

McNuggets Are Forever

McNuggets are forever...

they're immortal, don't you know?

As the months and years go by,

no decay on them will show.

McNuggets are forever...

it's astounding, don't you think?

They stay in perfect shape while

vegetables rot and stink.

McNuggets are forever...

they're impervious to time.

Could be because they're made from

that mysterious pink slime.

McNuggets are forever...

they'll outlast even this place.

Long after the Earth is gone,

they'll be floating free in space.

10 Year Challenge: McNugget Vs. Orange

McNuggets stand the test of time.

Vampire Tones

A vampire in different color tones, because whatever.

Toester

Everyone's so concerned about if their refrigerator is running or not, but they shouldn't forget to check on their toester. Hint: That's when your toaster sprouts feet and runs away.

Power Line Ground Hook = Cheetos Paws

There's this power line ground hook in my yard, but it reminds me of Cheetos Paws whenever I see it.

Bojangles Fry Spice

I think "The Spice" from Dune is what Bojangles puts on their french fries. That stuff is stellar.