Fryday Haiku 2

I love KFC,
but every time I go there
my order is wrong.

Bird beaks, feet, and eyes...
such are the ingredients
of chicken nuggets.

Service with a smile!
The dull stare from the waitress
tells me otherwise.

Constipation cure:
eat anything from Taco Bell
and wait five minutes.

Got a Happy Meal.
Guess what? They forgot the toy.
More like Frowny Meal.

Bacon wrapped pizza:
cholesterol overload!
Should be illegal.

Don't eat at Wendy's.
Their slogan is "That's Better!"
but they're just as bad.

Old chicken nugget:
dog found it under the fridge.
Ate it, barfed it up.

GMOverload 2: Ice Scream

In July of 2123, a large shipment of ice cream was recalled by the Margie Moo company. The only explanation given was that there was a "quality control" issue, but a few consumers knew the whole truth. With incidents as early as May of that year, reports emerged of ice cream that would scream for mercy as it was about to be eaten!

It appears that human DNA had been introduced into several batches of artificial cow's milk–giving the ice cream human-like traits. The recalled shipments were supposedly dumped in a Florida landfill, where residents attest you can still hear it screaming. More outlandish claims say that the ice cream is bubbling together into anthropomorphic forms–even making tools and banding together into a small civilization.

Multi-Mouth Shark

Science has discovered a new, ultra-rare species of shark. Dubbed the Multi-Mouth, its distinguishing feature is that it has multiple jaws extending out of its main pie-hole. Experts are baffled as to why it needs this many sets of teeth, but they aren't too surprised. "Sure, why not?" says Karen Reefhugger, a marine biologist from the University Of Florida. "We know of other weird-ass sharks like the Helicoprion that had a buzz-saw for its lower jaw, and the Stethacanthus that had an ironing board for a dorsal fin. Sure, those are extinct...but just look at other modern day sharks like the hammerhead, megamouth, and frill shark! I wouldn't be surprised if a species showed up with a torpedo launcher on its back, honestly."

The Multi-Mouth prefers to feed on another rare species of shark–the Cyclopsian Troll Fish. Cyclopsians are prevalent in the deep ocean worldwide, albeit in small numbers (their lack of depth-perception makes them easy prey for predators). Alas, the Multi-Mouth may soon go extinct because of its picky eating habits...unless they evolve legs and move onto land, in which case politely guide them to the nearest Captain D's.

UFO Haiku: The Aliens Are Coming!

UFOs are real!
There's a worldwide cover-up.
The truth is out there!

What's that in the sky?
A flying disc with no sound–
then gone in a flash.

They're little grey men
who abduct people at night
for experiments.

Spiraling patterns
overnight in the wheat fields:
who or what made them?


UFO hoaxing
is easy, all you need is
a hubcap and string.

The government said
it was a weather balloon.
What a load of crap!

Orb crashing in lake
followed by a load rumbling
of helicopters.

City-wide blackout.
A shadow removes the stars.
It's the mothership!

Army trucks zoom by.
The one in the middle has
a tarped-over bell.

Space is infinite…
how could we be all alone?
Watch the skies for me.

Meditations On Roadkill

Possum in headlights.
I'm lining up my tires and...
Pow! A direct hit!

April thunderstorm
brings out the little froggies
to get squashed by cars.

As I mow the ditch,
blades clog momentarily…
then feathers blow out.

Little spring swallow
slams right into my windshield–
sliding down slowly.

I wasn't looking
when I backed down the driveway.
Now my cat is flat.

Chihuahua yapping–
and then a thud from the road.
Silence is golden!

Around and around
goes the frog on the bus tire–
less of it each time.

Stupid chipmunk, why
did you wait so long to run?
That truck got you good.

GMOverload

The year was 2155. Rampant use of Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) began to manifest itself in strange ways. The addition of shark DNA was supposed to make produce items more healthy to eat; instead it made them bigger, smarter, and more mobile. Farmers weren't prepared for their crops growing teeth and marching against them. In a bloody revolt, the veracious veggies began taking back the land. The fruitpocalypse had begun, and now we were the ones on the menu!

Fryday Haiku

Burger and french fries…

an American classic.

Greasy to the max!

At drive-thru speaker

but no one is answering:

dumbass teenagers.

Hardee's employees

aren't trained to enter coupons–

don't even bother.

Burger King french fries

taste vaguely like motor oil…

yet I still eat them.

Pretzel crust pizza

with a cheddar cheese sauce:

the thought makes me gag.

I keep telling them

extra fries instead of slaw–

and still they forget.

Zaxby's does it right.

Excellent food and service...

uh, most of the time.

Breakfast at Arby's.

Found a roach in my hashbrown.

I smell a lawsuit!